I Need A Break!! No One Hears Me!!!!!!

It would be very easy to sit here and say, just tell your husband you gave up everything willingly to care for him, you dont regret one minute of it, BUT you do need a break and you are going to take this evening out. That is what you should and need to be saying, However, I know it isnt that easy, and you have to live with the consequences of that, his emotinal blackmail and hurting words and the screaming in the kids hearing etc. I am sorry I cant make all that go away, I wish I could, As for the boys being boys, yes they need a childhood but that doesnt have to include fighting! I do not allow fighting! I have five chidlren, and the two middle ones are at the age that both wants to be boss, But any arguing and fighting, even in play, is stopped immediately. I just dont have the energy to deal with it so it is banned! yes they fall out occasionally and they do get to shouting poiint, but at that point they are seperated and they generally stop. Can Social Services help with some respite for your Husband? I have no idea how the systm works in the States, but here we can approach SS and request support. It is usually another fight to get it but once in place it would give you time to have time for you! In the meantime are the boys at school? Can you snatch 20 minutes in a nice bubbly bath, shut the door and take a book. Go for a stroll the long way round to the shops maybe, Go get your hair styled? A break doesnt necesarily have to be hours long, sometimes just a few minutes where you can shut everyone else away and do something for you can be really refreshing. Would someone come and sit with your husband so you could go to the pictures maybe? DO you have a close friend you would like to have lunch with, can you sort your husbands lunch a little earlier and leave him napping and then go out and have alate lunch with your friend? Hugs I hope you can find the time to find oyurself again. Much love

Thank you. I talked to my counselor today. I have my husbands primary doctor working on getting a social worker to help me with maybe some services like some possible respite care. That can't seem to come fast enough! He has mentioned it but we are going to get on him again this next visit. The boys are separated each time they start fighting, but as you said sometimes I just run out of energy to deal, esp in the past few weeks as we had a giant snowstorm so school was called off every day for a week and a half and they were inside all day every day. I felt like a UN peacekeeper! Constantly!! Luckily they have gone back to school so they now have their other friends, activities, homework etc to occupy most of their day so that should get easier.

I think the hardest part is just not knowing how long things will go on like this. Not wanting him to be gone of course, I am not saying that, but not waning things to stay like this either, you know?

Thank you for all your support and listening.

 

Michele

Michelle I am glad yoiu have started the ball rolling towards some respite, it may roll slowly and you may have to keep nuging it in the right direction but hopefully it will come through for you. I am the one with the difficulties in this house as i have Lupus, we also have 5 children 4 of whome have special needs, our youngest having Lieghs disease hence I am here. However there are times when my husbands demands and shoprt temper and frustration have been at the point whenI think it would be easier to mcope without him...I know exactl where you are coming from with your last paragraph. David was diagnosed with Ceoliac disease a few weeks ago and i have to say since being off all wheat and gluten his mood has improved however over the last four weeks he has been laid up with a leg injury which has not helped the situation here. I empathise so much with your need for a break and sometimes I think we have to to prepared to upset the boat at home to ensure we can continue. Sending much love your way...hugs